4 Tips for New Dads: Nurture Your Partner

There's a saying: "If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!"

I used to think it was just funny, until having kids. Now I see the truth in it.

When a woman is pregnant and her body is working overtime, she'll love it if you take the time to nurture her. A lot of first-time fathers don't fully understand the changes that are happening to their partner, and it can be tough to remember to take the time to nurture and embrace her.

Picking up after yourself will help, but I'm really not talking about the house...

I'm talking about your partner and her needs.

4 Nurturing Tips for New Dads

1. Touch her. Give her a massage, even if you only have fifteen minutes. Starting with the neck and upper back, move to working on her hips and the back of the pelvis, and end with a foot rub. You don't need massage experience for this, just some strong hands, some willingness, and some love. For extra points, heat some water for a foot bath, add a couple of drops of lavender oil, or rose petals if you've got them, and let her soak her feet while you listen to how her day went. If you listen to her, she'll listen to you. It works both ways.
2. Make some pregnancy or nursing tea for her every day. Use 1 part nettles, 1 part alfalfa, 2 parts raspberry leaf, and peppermint to taste (1/4 part). Let it steep for 10 minutes, strain and serve with honey. Make it a ritual, a way to connect with that little bean of yours growing inside her. The tea nurtures her body, and the act will nurture your relationship. I have always made it for my wife in the evening, and we can share how our days went and sip tea together.
3. Tell her she's beautiful. Tell her you love her. Tell her that she's radiant. Say thank you for being the mother of your child. You could even try to tell her that you like her outfit, but you're on your own there... I think every woman wants to hear her lover tell her she's beautiful, and by telling her that when she's pregnant, you will do wonders for your relationship.
4. Read the birth books and parenting and pregnancy books that she's been reading, so you can be in the know about all of the changes that are a part of this miracle. I enjoyed reading Spiritual Midwifery, and found that I spent more time looking at the reference stuff in the back than the stories in the front. I wanted to know it happened, and what and when to expect things during birth. I wanted details. My wife wanted to know experiences and feelings and stories. If you both read them, you'll have a reference. You'll speak the same language. And that's half the battle in any relationship.

I have learned that it takes an effort to remember to do these things regularly, but when I do, it makes for a happy, peaceful house, pregnancy, and marriage. Put it on your work calendar, email yourself, or put it on your to-do list- "Nurture the mother of my child. Next action: Make tea and give backrub."

Show her that you cherish her every day, meet her needs, and you'll find that yours will be met as well.

I'm Going to Jail. Help Bail Me Out!

Image via WikipediaSET ME FREE! …and help the March of Dimes arrest the rising rate of premature birth. 

1 in 8 babies is born to soon, and often too small. These tiniest babies struggle to survive, and too often many don’t.

I will soon be incarcerated in the March of Dimes Jail Bail where I will be served only the finest bread and water (okay, maybe lunch!) You can help ensure my good behavior through your contribution. My hard earned bail will aid and abet the March of Dimes in funding lifesaving programs of research, education and community services. Programs that will save babies’ lives.

If you feel moved to donate or participate, please visit my Jail & Bail page at http://jailandbail.marchofdimes.com/naturalpapa

If you know someone with deep pockets and a soft spot for babies, please forward this link...

The March of Dimes mission is to improve the health of babies by preventing birth defects, premature birth and infant mortality.

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• Long-term risk of premature birth
• Preemies more likely to have major birth defects

I'm Still Here, I've Just Been Silent.

Image via WikipediaDay-Late Weekend Update 8.04.08

I haven't posted to this blog for the last two weeks, but I'm still alive, and here's a little of what has happened for me:

• We went to the high country for a week to attend a Sun Dance ceremony. It was incredible. Our kids had a good time, and we saw a lot of our community and relatives and reconnected with them.
• I made a leap and bought an iMac. I've had a Windows PC laptop for the last two years and it's been sufficient until now. After polling all of the Mac people and messing about on one, I decided to just go for it (credit makes it almost too easy) and got set up two days ago. I love it. It's quiet and fast and all of the applications integrate nicely. I've had to learn some new shortcuts and terminology, but it seems very intuitive. I haven't seen easy access to some of the geeky stuff, like with Windows, but I know it's there when I'm ready.
• I got a new tattoo. Man, I had forgotten how intense it is... It's still healing, so I've been staying out of the sun. I also haven't gotten a workout in for a week, so I'm making that a priority this week.
  
• Papa-time is at an all time high. My wife has been going to the Farmers Market with some other crafty mamas to sell her prairie bonnets and vegetarian recipe book, so I'm the man who wakes up to "Where mama? I want to nurse." on Saturday mornings. I love it, but being woken up by a crabby three year old on a Saturday (a possible sleep-in day) can get things started on the wrong foot. Our oldest is a big help, sometimes a little too helpful for a willful 3 year old. We hang out and do the breakfast (coffee for me) thing, then walk down to the market with the coolest wagon around and do our shopping and meet up with mama. We then haul our groceries home and wait for mama to be done. It's cool, our own ritual day...
• Bonus papa-time this weekend, as a friend of ours was in labor for a long time (first birth, at home with a midwife) and called for my wife to come support her. So she dashes off early Sunday before the kids wake up, and we do papa-time until lunch, when we hear that the mother is exhausted and dehydrated and is being transported to the hospital. We go pick up mama (ours) and she puts our little one down for a nap and then goes back to the birth. Then we hear nothing for a long time, and at dusk we get a call about a baby girl being born naturally, but a separation of mom and babe due to (insert fear here) that requires machines and tools. Two hours later, my wife calls and says they've been reunited and I can pick her up. It's 10 pm by the time we're all back home and fed and ready to crash. Papa-overtime, I say. Yeaa for babies, hurray for mamas!
• Our ten year old started "prairie school" this week at the local museum. There are a couple of historic buildings that were moved to the courtyard there, and my daughter goes to the one room schoolhouse every morning for a week to experience what it was like "back in the day". It's pretty neat, and very popular. Highly recommended. You've probably got something similar near you. If not, what are you waiting for? Start the ball rolling...
  
• I posted about about nurturing a breastfeeding mother at Eco Child's Play today for World Breastfeeding Week.
• I'm still trying to raise bail before August 20th. for the March of Dimes. Go here for my page: Jail and Bail and drop a couple bucks in for a good cause.
  

I'm back to a regular groove with posting, I think, so check back often for lots of exciting randomness and regular ol' natural parenting stuff...

Leave a comment so I know you're out there. (Is this thing on?)

Natural Pregnancy: 3 Nurturing Tips for New Dads

Image via Wikipedia

If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy!

I heard that saying many times before I saw the truth in it.

When a woman is pregnant and her body is working overtime, she’ll love you for taking the time to nurture her. A lot of new dads don’t really understand the changes that are happening to their lover, and it can be hard to remember to take the time to nurture and embrace her. Sure, picking up after yourself helps, but I’m not talking about the house, I’m talking about her.

3 Nurturing Tips for New Dads

1. Touch her. Give her a massage, even if it’s only for fifteen minutes. Start with the neck and upper back, spend some time working the hips and back of the pelvis, and end with a foot rub. You don’t need any massage experience for this, just strong hands, willingness, and love. For bonus points, heat a tub of water for a foot bath, add a couple of drops of lavender oil, maybe rose petals if you’ve got them, and let her soak her feet while you massage her neck.
2. Make her some pregnancy tea or nursing tea every day. Make it a ritual, a way to connect with that little bean growing inside her. The tea will nurture her body, and the act will nurture your relationship. I always made it for my wife in the evening, and we would share how our days went and sip tea together.
3. Tell her she’s beautiful. Tell her you love her. Tell her that she’s radiant. You could even try telling her that you like her outfit, but you’re on your own there. Every woman wants to hear her lover tell her that she’s beautiful, and telling her that when she’s pregnant will do wonders for your relationship.
4. OK, so there’s really 4 tips. Read the natural parenting and pregnancy and birth books that she’s reading, so you can be in touch with all of the changes that are a part of this miracle. I enjoyed Spiritual Midwifery, and found that I spent more time looking at the reference stuff in the back than the stories in the front. I wanted to know what happened, and how and when it happened during birth. I wanted details. My wife wanted to know experiences and feelings and stories. If you both read them, you’ll have a reference. You will both speak the same language.

I have found that it takes a disciplined effort to remember to do these things regularly, but when I do, it makes for a happy, peaceful house. Put it on your calendar or your to-do list every day and show her that you cherish her.

See also: Natural Fatherhood Defined

Originally published at Eco Child's Play